The last six years have proved to be fairly complex in terms of my faith and spirituality. I have had many highs and lows, and the sheer pace of life has turned what could have been a pleasant stroll into a rollercoaster ride that is difficult to get off. From being a happy clappy ‘God is cool’ Christian, I became an angry bitter self-righteous cynic and am currently located somewhere in-between the two.
As a result of these experiences, I have found the concept of ‘journey’ to be a useful metaphor for my spiritual life. It has provided me with a framework to cope with my ups and downs. Whether I am taking on new beliefs or rediscovering old ones, I am able to see myself as heading towards a destination.
I have been reflecting this week on the differences between destination and the process of the journey itself. In my case, the destination is God; that is where I am heading. However, the manner in which I am getting there is not so straightforward. When I lost my faith, I focused all my energy into sorting through the mess myself. While I had significant conversations with those around me, the majority of progress took place within my own mind, on my terms.
The journeys in the biblical narrative not only have God as the destination but also as co-traveller. While I may have the former, the latter is alien to me. I do not know what it is like to ‘walk with God’. To journey with God is to lose my autonomy, something I find very difficult to give up. It would mean a walk characterised by obedience, a life beyond my own control. Maybe this is what it is to know God.
Any thoughts or advice?
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9 comments:
This is a wonderfully honest post, Jon. I had heard a little of your doubts but had no idea of the depth.
Like you, I know that I journey towards God and that he is with me but knowing that and 'knowing ' that are two such different things. I would love to have the assurance that some seem to have, the ability to receive from God almost on command. But maybe I am too much of my own person. I'm not quite prepared to say ' break me completely, Lord,' as I fear what would mean. Yet if my trust were complete then I would have no fear.
I don't know how to get there on my own. I think it can only be achieved through God and with God but the times when that seem in reach are fleeting and far between.
I am obviously not a good person to be giving advice. If you find the answer, Jon, let me know!
You’re not alone Jon. I’m well aware that I’m on a, not so direct, journey toward God but where is he? Why can’t he just walk beside me and show me all the short cuts?! I think the nature of God is for us to explore and find our own way. In doing so, we learn. I sometimes forget that this life is just a stepping stone for what is to come and in the wider picture a much shorter experience.
Are we taught and shaped by success of is it in failure that we truly learn? For me, the points in my life where I’ve travelled furthest down the road to God have always been the hardest of times. In that moment it feels like I’m walking alone but on reflection the presence of God’s imprint on the path has clearly directed me. Right now things in my life are pretty much going according to plan and yet I’ve probably got my handbrake on. If I’m serious about my relationship with God I should be asking for God to help me push the accelerator but the fear is that I’m only asking for trouble!
I agree that the hard times are vitally important to our growth, but I also think the hard times are 'the best and worst of times'.
In times of difficulty I depend more on God. I am in regular - desperate - contact with him and he responds. I feel closer to him.
When things are hunky dory, I do my own thing, strolling through life, barely giving God a thought.
Yesterday morning in church Angela Percival marvelled at the consistency of God: he's not the one who wanders off. It's a good job.
And, yes, I know it's all growth but I can't help feeling that if God had said, 'follow me and never have any more problems,' he'd have had a lot more followers!
I went to an African celebration thing yesterday afternoon and was very impressed with the sense of community amongst the Afro Caribbean peope. I don't see that community is particularly a Christian thing, in fact church can be the most clique-ish of places.
its all about the journey. what if we get to our destination and find what we thought would be St Lucia is actually Crawley.
There is a book I've been meaning to read for ages called the road less travelled, which is all about enjoying our journey. so maybe that will give you advice, its not a christian book, its one of those popular philosophy books that Geri Halliwell reads.
but I like my journey, I enjoy not having the pressure to get any where. I even like my wrong turnings. and part of me hopes I never get to my destination.occasionally I get the feeling that maybe God is around, more often than not when I am somewhere beautiful.
maybe thats it (I'm thinking out loud now). Maybe God just creates the scenery for our journey.
I'm not sure, just musings really, and theres a man with a stutter on the radio which is distracting me!!
God is on the walk with us. Always. God is in us, around us. Everywhere. In each breath. His fingerprints are all over us. All over this earth.
We are immensely important to him, but I would not like to put ourselves at the forefront and to call him the scenery. We are not that important.
I don't think we ever can be in control. We have responsibilities and decisions to make for ourselves, but to assume a control whereby we do things on our terms is not possible, is it? The ground we walk on is not our own.
I've put a fuller response on my blog, because it was too long and wierd to put here.
Thank you for this Jon, and to everyone else who's posted. It has made me think alot.
I guess the reason that people go on a journey, is because they want to be somewhere else. So maybe the journey is to do with perfection- karma, heaven, utopia, etc. As a Christian, I think that I am journeying towards perfection in a few different ways. I am trying to attain it in the way that I live- helping others, etc, but I also have the hope that eventually God will perfect me somehow. I'm also trying to perfect where I am at the moment, and eventually hope that God will perfect the place where I will live after I finish the journey.
Or do we ever finish the journey? Why do we presume that there is an end to our journey? If we believe that we will live for eternity, and we are continuing to grow in closeness and understanding of God maybe our journey will never end.
But Jon, you were also talking about God being our co-traveller. It got me thinking quite a bit. I get the feeling that God is not just co-traveller, but guide. And from the Biblical narrative (with Abraham, Moses and David) I think the way that people walked with God was to communicate with Him somehow. Prayer, poems, etc. But I dunno really
Some deep responses here, you have given me lots to think about. Thanks.
Some thoughts:
I don't believe that the process is more important than the destination. The two are intimately connected, the absence of one would change the nature of the other. Our direction of travel and means of getting there are both equally formative on our lives.
Where is God? that is my point. For the last five years i have journeyed as if he was 'out there somewhere'. Does he really leave us to 'explore and find our own way'? The metaphor of 'walking with God' suggests a level of partnership and intimacy that reaches far beyond this.
I love Victoria's comment. It sums up completely the essence of my post. I am looking toward a spirituality that has moved beyond the anthropocentric nature of my questions, my doubts and my journey; and instead looks to the divine as one who walks with me, who shares all that I am.
I think Tim L is right too, guide is a better description. Communication must also play an important part in all of this. Communication with God need not necessarily be isolated, it should be done in the context of our communities of faith.
Those of you who know me and are reading this will notice that this doesn't really sound like me. You would be right. These changes are exciting, and yet worrying at the same time.
Josie, Hello. Good to see you've got yourself a blog too. I know what you mean. Often life doesn't feel like we would wish it too. Do you think the problem is with us, or is it meant to be like that?
I thought you'd like that one Scrivner.
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